You're completely useless in the revolution.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
