Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
