I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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