I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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