my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
