Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
