is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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