I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
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He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
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Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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