she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
