Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
