Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
