Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
