hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I need to calm my uterus...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
