I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
