epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
