Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
