is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
