i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize