i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
