I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
