She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
