Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
