Please, let me fuck your mom
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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