He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
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I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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