I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
