I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You need a sexual gate keeper
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
