you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
