the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
