...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I had to cum in my sink.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
