Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
