you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
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Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
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Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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