Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
