If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
