the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
