Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
