no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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