Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
