Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
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So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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