I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize