i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I feel like abortions should bother me more
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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