I got chris browned last night
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my shit smells like andre
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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