Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
