you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
