there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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