you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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