bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
