I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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