He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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