So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
