i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
