he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
