I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
its not stalking. its research.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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