Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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