Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
