i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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