a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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