Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
