I think my vagina is haunted
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
