Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
