She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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