My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize