What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.