No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
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tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
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Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.