Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.