Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I look better un-naked...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.