CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Holy shit dude........stairs
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