I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
