While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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