Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
