JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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