eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
