No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
