once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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